the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
