I smell stomach acid.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
