This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
