Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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