Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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