:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
