I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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