Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
