It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
