Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
