We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
