dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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