he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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