hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
