Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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