I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
