I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
