My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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