Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
thus making me awesome and them whores
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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