I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why are your pants in the freezer?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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