i wish peter jackson would direct porn
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
