I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
