I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
40s are totally the cure
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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