Sry I called you an 8
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
