Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
