What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
