I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
