This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
