"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
