OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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