I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
