i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
