It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
