yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
