3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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