How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
