so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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