I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
