I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
