this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
