At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
