I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
