So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
