even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
