Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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