Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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