i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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