I think my vagina is haunted
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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