THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
