just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
