went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
ok first of all what the fuck
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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